Here are some of the funniest things I have heard or read over the past couple of days:
“The Governor-General is like a hood ornament - everyone has one but it shouldn’t do a darn thing!”
“Stephane Dion is like a French “Manuel” from the Tv series Fawlty Towers.”
“Jack Layton’s so puffed up, if you stuck a pin in him he would explode.”
A comment on a live blog from the scene at Rideau Hall when the residence doors were opening and closing and everyone was anticipating the exit of Prime Minister Stephen Harper; “Are the door opening and closing in a manner that suggest prorogation?”
lol

I know it’s hard to believe that Dion is not actually installed in 24 Sussex yet based on the gleeful reporting of most of the media, but it might be worth while just slowing down a bit and contemplating what would have to happen before that could take place.
Michaelle Jean, who received her symbolic position through an unelected patronage appointment, would have to conclude that a coalition depending on support from a party sworn to dismember Canada would be the only, and best, choice.
That, I believe, would be impossible for her to conclude.
If she decided that was her only recourse I venture that the life of the symbolic arrangement that keeps the Queen of England as our head of state would be over within hours, days or weeks.
I don’t believe Canadians, who just demonstrated through the ballot box exactly how they want the country run, would put up with the Governor General deciding that those votes do not count.
It’s worth remembering that the media on parliament hill a) don’t really have lives, and b) are almost 100 per cent liberal in their outlook, if not actually socialist. Thus we are treated to breathless news reports filled with words like “In The History of Canada” “Unprecedented” and “Never before Seen” which only means that the news media haven’t reported on such a thing for at least a year.
It’s too easy to look at the media and conclude that this trumped up naked grab for power by two of this countries’ most desperate politicians (and one shrewd yet amoral one) is a fait accompli. But I believe that when the first polls hit the streets we will find out most Canadians would far rather have another election than stand for this abuse of our parliamentary system.
The most sensible advice I’ve yet heard is this: Prime Minister Stephen Harper should go the Governor General tomorrow and request that she ask Stephane Dion to form a government.
This coalition of the wounded won’t last more than a few days or weeks. No one, not even Saint Obama, has any control over the current economic crisis. It will become immediately apparent that Dion is as inept at running a government as he was a campaign.
And Canadians will realize that as fun as minority government is to watch, we need a majority Conservative government to get on with the business of running the country.

If we can’t get Dalton McGuinty and his liberal government off their current mission to take away all our freedoms we’re going to be in bad shape by the time the next election rolls around.
It is almost unfathomable that further restrictive driver legislation is being proposed based on the sad incident where a teenager got drunk, drove and was killed, along with two buddies. A mere four months after the incident the presumably grief-ridden father has gained the ear of McGuinty and other proponents of cradle-to-grave safety legislation and our poor children are about to take it on the chin.
Why should my child, who doesn’t drink and drive, have to be restricted to appease the guilt of someone whose child did?
Then there’s the legislation proposing that children under age 14 not be allowed on the back of a motorcycle. Based on 200-odd deaths or injuries since 1995. Are there not more serious problems requiring our attention?
McGuinty’s government is rudderless, bereft of ideas, twitching in the wind and jumping on any feel-good legislation they can find.
I want government out of my face, out of my life, off my back, off my children’s backs and tucked away where they can’t hurt anybody.
We’ll be lucky if we’re allowed to walk around the block by ourselves come the next election.

Do starry-eyed members of Ontario’s legislature get any training on writing legislation? We now have a law which has received approval on first reading that would ban anyone under the age of 14 being taken as a passenger on a motorbike.
Is the author of this bill aware that children from age seven or eight on up race motorcycles in the dirt? That 12-year-old road race at three-digit speeds? That if I choose to take one of my children (unfortunately all now over age 14) on the back of my motorcycle that is a decision that I as a parent should be free to make?
Go ahead and require all child passengers to be properly equipped with a right-sized helmet, gloves, proper footwear, etc. But to BAN (The McGuinty government’s favorite solution to everything) under-14 passengers is stupid and once again penalizes everyone instead of an uncaring or irresponsible few.
Now they’re going to ban handheld cellphones from being used in cars. We already have dangerous driving and careless driving laws on the books that are more than adequate for any incidents where phones are used carelessly or dangerously. And as we all know, enforcement of the highway traffic act laws already on the books has reached perfection. NOT!
Can we pass a law requiring new legislation to pass a basic common-sense threshold?

That’s enough! I’ve had all I can take of the media pundits slagging my Maple Leafs. Starting several weeks before the season and continuing incessantly until last Thursday’s opening tilt against Detroit, all we’ve been hearing is that this year’s team is useless, young and inexperienced, won’t make the playoffs and will be horrible to watch.
Well, guess what? Our team of underachievers beat the Stanley Cup Champions 3-2 last week, in their building, on opening night! I predict that not only will we make the playoffs, we will contend for the Stanley Cup.
Wait, that’s Paul Maurice’s line. And there’s Saturday’s 6-1 drubbing at the hands of the Canadiens to take into account.
All right, I predict that this team will be fabulously entertaining to watch due to their speed and eagerness. It’s obvious after only two games that the old bunch from last year were largely tired and unmotivated.
So, along with uber-fan and son Adam, I say GO LEAFS!

Their leadership woes and resultant pathetic campaign are entirely their own fault, after all. I know hindsight is a wonderful thing but it’s hard to imagine now why they would have picked Stephane Dion as leader.
Liberal leadership has never really been about choosing the best party leader thought; that’s always taken a back seat to finding the most politically correct, most broadly-appealing person possible. That’s why, except for a brief hiccup with John Turner (Pierre Trudeau remains in a class of his own), the liberals have always rewarded bland.
Looking back now at Gerard Kennedy, Bob Rae and Michael Ignatieff, that’s certainly what they ended up with.
So Dion wears the crown, and is probably going to preside over a liberal defeat of historic proportions.
Not being a politician, it is inconceivable to me how Gerard Kennedy could say “I mean this, there is a Stephane Dion to be seen and appreciated that’s not yet fully on display,” without gagging. How many years do you think it will take for the full display, Gerard? Twenty? Forty?
This is like watching Kim Campbell self-destruct all those years ago. Please let it be over soon.

Wow! Gas is up to $1.36 a litre, yet the price of oil has fallen from $145 to about $102 per barrel. How can this be? Hurricane Ike hasn’t even struck yet, no-one knows what damage if any there will be and yet gas rises thirteen cents a litre overnight.
And how do we know this? Because oil industry spokesman, liberal MP Dan McTeague who represents the riding of Pickering-Scarborough East, tells us.
Didn’t McTeague have a reputation as the Gas-buster? The guy who railed about the profits made by the oil industry? Now he lets us know when the price is going down (rarely) or up (frequently).
I’m not sure if he does this on the basis that any publicity is good publicity. I can’t quite figure out how having your name associated with a thirteen-cent-a-litre increase would be a positive, especially with an election only weeks away. I guess it’s been hard for liberals to get much publicity lately, especially since they want to tax these higher gas prices.
And what is with the tame media seals? “Gas guru Dan McTeague tells us that gas prices are going up tonight,” they report breathlessly. Can they not call the oil companies themselves? Is McTeague the only guy in the country that knows what the gas prices will be tomorrow? Can they not talk to the person at the nearest gas station?
These are the things that furrow my brow in the mornings on my way into work.

I’m becoming increasingly frustrated by society’s inability to deal with the fact that my wife and I are one entity. It started a few years ago when the public library wouldn’t let my wife or I pick up each other’s book reservations. It’s now expanded to the point where we can’t do the simplest things for each other, like check with stores on transactions, or take things in for returns.

The other day I was out in the yard hauling the trailer out of the underbrush. Suddenly my wife is holding out the phone; she tried to inquire about the end of our car lease and was told they could only speak to the registered owner of the car.

The Bible talks about marriage this way: “the two shall be one flesh” a phrase that literally means indivisible, one unit, one entity. But today, primarily because of legal reasons, society increasingly treats married couples as separate people. We’ve gone from a presumption that a married couple has no secrets to the presumption that they have them in almost every area of life: real estate, automobiles, bank accounts, credit cards, library cards, etc.

It’s no wonder we have so many couples splitting up when society encourages them to cultivate separate lives on every side.

Mayor David Miller has repeated his call for a handgun ban. This is completely unecessary, misdirected, mischevious and will in no way result in any reduction of the shootings taking place on our streets. Keep in mind that although the person who shot another last weekend was in possession of a legally-registered firearm he was carrying it ILLEGALLY and therefore engaging in criminal behaviour.
I would like to weigh in with a couple of my own bans, specifically strip clubs and alcohol. This would have an immediate impact for good on the streets of Toronto, if not in the pocketbooks of those who demean, use and abuse women and our illustrious Liquor Control Board of Ontario.
I venture to say it would also have a healthy impact on families.
If we are going to go to all the trouble and cost of enforcement of a ban, let’s at least ensure there will be some positive results at the end of the day.

So my 18-year-old son is looking for an apartment. We go on a site that has pictures of apartments and see one that is of interest. It looks bright, clean, spacious.
He makes an appointment, goes downstairs, and finds the apartment is the size of a dollhouse.
On the one hand, the ability to put pictures online enhances the user experience of searching for a place to rent. On the other hand, he and I will never look at apartment pictures online again without wondering just how wide was the wide-angle lens that took the picture. The benefit of a technology is rarely as strraighforward a proposition as it seems.